Avril Lavigne in a bikini.

I've been having an emotional hungover after last week.

I never imagined I could be so happy around people. It's like I'm a completely different person now. My social phobia is almost gone.

I realized how great my life could be if only I had more friends. Friends I could meet everyday, even if just to say hello and chat a little nonsense. That could keep me happy.

But no. I'm back to seeing and talking to no one at all every single day, unless I go to buy groceries or something else, so I get to say hi to the salespeople. Not very gratifying. Now that I know just how much I've missed out on, I can't stand being alone anymore.

I'm trying not to freak out about having no lectures or classes. I only have a couple of papers to write. I have no work.

I really, really, really have to find some work soon or I'll go crazy. Not just any work, but work where I can meet people and chat with them. I'd love to do something similar to what I did at EAA, helping and guiding people. So I could keep my spirit up until the day when I might have a friend or two to help me keep sane.

Because I know it can't happen very quickly. It takes time to find a friend with whom you can spend a lot of time. I met some nice people at EAA, but they all already have a wide circle of friends. Of course they don't mind new ones, but they probably won't start spending a lot of time with me on a regular basis. They think I have my good old friends as well, so they don't know just how desperate I am.

I do have a couple of friends of course, and they're all great. But no one lives in Tampere. Except Deniselle, if I'm allowed to call her a friend yet. An online buddy? I've been gathering courage to ask her to meet up some day. She seems like such a fun person.

Until then, all I can do is try to keep busy. One surefire way of making me smile is some Avril-therapy, watching old videos of her and watching her brand new bikini pics:



I'm not a lesbian or anything, but Avril's so freaking hawt!!

My French friend just can't accept that I like watching women in a non-lesbian way. Why is it such a big deal that I can appreciate female beauty but don't want to romance women? Must be a guy thing. In fact, I read about research where they found that women enjoy watching both men and women naked more often than men. See! It's biology, people. Women are naturally more bisexual than men!