Meet the maker? Nah.

For the first time in my life, I've written a CV. I've never needed one before because I've only written open job applications. But now I needed to create one because I'm meeting a career counselor tomorrow.

Kind of funny if you ask me. Well. My CV looks surprisingly purty after all. It looks nice that I've been working for the English department for three years now, even though it's only been perhaps a couple hundred work hours at best. The time span is deceptive. I like that.

It sounds impressive too, "coordinating, updating, classifying and compiling corpora". My two conference presentations give a nice touch too. And then there's the translation job for Auringon lapset. No one can tell how much or how little work that was.

That's what I hate about applying for jobs. I feel extremely dishonest. The key in getting a job is basically to productize yourself and your skills. You need to give a good sales speech. What can you offer to your prospective employer?

The problem is, nothing I've done or anything I know or can do is useful. It's absolutely ridiculous that anyone allowed me to give presentations at linguistics conferences. I mean, come on, I can't even handle the basics of English grammar! What is a participle? I don't know. What's a mood? An aspect? What's the point of case grammar? I don't know. It all still confuses me, after years of studies. I've hardly ever been sane enough to actually care about my studies, most of the time I've been drudging through so I can get my study grants. My formal qualifications are full of air.

My language skills are not particularly impressive. I know the basics in many languages, but only English I'm happy with. Even so, I'd like to be a much more fluent English speaker.

And then there are those elusive skills that every employer seems to want, no matter what the job. Even a cleaner should be active, social, positive, superhuman, motivated, blah blah blah.

I'm not a social person. That cancels out about 90% of job openings. I'm not motivated. I can't help it. I can't really say I want to live for very long. So it's kind of hard to be motivated about working, especially in the beginning when you have to learn how to do it at first. I just don't have that extra energy to try to do my best. Sometimes I do, but that's about 5% of the time.

No one should employ me. I'm more trouble than I'm worth. I hate lying, but that's what I have to do if I want to get any kind of job. It's disgusting.